This article is written from a man’s perspective but for a woman to read, about all of the little things that she can do to make sex a really special experience for her partner. I do not profess to know what women want so I will leave it to a woman to write the other side of this and I would be more than happy to hear from you if you want to take the trouble of contacting me.
None of what I am about to say requires having to become a contortionist, be a raving nymphomaniac, have a 12 inch cock or be able to get it up ten times a night. What you have to remember is that sex is as much psychological as it is physical. After all, if a guy has his cock in a woman’s pussy, he’s going to enjoy it to a degree even if she acts like a plank of wood, so what makes the experience special is the subtle things she can do to really excite his mind, stimulate his imagination and most of all, flatter his ego.
The first thing to remember is that men put themselves under tremendous pressure to ‘perform’ and be a really talented lover. While I accept that there are men out there that care only for their own pleasure, I believe that most men would really like to know that what they are doing is being appreciated. Most women I know say that they are very satisfied with their husbands/boyfriends performance in bed but do you always make it clear to him that you do while actually having sex?
Let’s start with basics. Don’t just lie on your back and make him do all the work because then he will get the impression that you are only doing this because you feel obliged to in some way. It is only very recently that society has begun to accept that women can enjoy sex as much as men and old attitudes are hard to dispel so you have to make sure that he knows you want to be having sex with him. These historical beliefs tend to mean that men generally assume that they are a lot keener on sex than the woman and women tend to be inhibited about expressing what they actually want in bed in case they come across as a ‘slut’. Don’t worry, men may like ‘ladies’, but in the bedroom they want a slut.
Men tend to naturally adopt a more dominant role in bed and I’m not suggesting that this should change but women do need to be a little proactive in the relationship. This will make the guy feel like a stud and I guarantee that you will appreciate the results because the more of a stud he feels the more he will be prepared to do whatever you want in return. I am not suggesting that women everywhere should just jump on their man’s bones and ride him senseless. No doubt he would enjoy it but this article is about more subtle techniques that can be used. So, how do we achieve this in less demanding ways?
Most women have reasonably sensitive breasts and nipples and enjoy a man fondling, kissing, caressing or sucking them. This is an ideal place to start because most men are pretty keen on breasts too and it is often their first port of call. What’s the problem, you may ask? A problem arises when women just lie there and accept what his hands and mouth are doing. It isn’t enough to just allow him to suck and squeeze to his heart’s content. Remember the psychological side of sex. He desperately wants to know that you enjoy what he is doing and want him to do more. If he is sucking on your breasts, make sure that you put your hand on the back of his head and slightly pull him towards your chest. This will be enough to let him know that you like him being there. In his own mind he is already becoming something of a stud and will probably redouble his efforts for you even more, both parties win. Even better, use oral encouragement as well. It doesn’t have to be desperately articulate, a soft moan should suffice or maybe a “That’s nice”. Furthermore, if you want him to do something slightly different, don’t be afraid to tell him. He won’t mind and you will certainly enjoy it more.
Much the same sort of advice holds true when he is going down on you. I don’t know any women who don’t like a man eating their pussy and I even know a lot of women that prefer it to penetrative sex, being only able to achieve orgasm this way. If he starts eating your pussy without any prompting, great, but he will still be looking for encouragement. As with your breasts, make sure that you hold the back of his head and apply some pressure. To make sure he is doing the right things for you, increase the pressure on the back of his head in proportion to how much you are enjoying what he is doing. He will soon learn what you like and you will get a far more memorable experience. Better still, be even more proactive and push him down to your pussy first as this way he will be encouraged by your enthusiasm. Alternatively, just move yourself and sit on his face. Unless he has an irrational objection to eating pussy he certainly won’t object. Either of these techniques are good because in his mind he will once again see himself as something of a stud because he has got you so excited. Sex, for him, is suddenly out of this world and he will probably again redouble his efforts for you – a win/win situation.
You need to remember however that oral sex works both ways and getting a blowjob is something that every man loves. The physical reasons for this are fairly obvious and by now you are hopefully beginning to appreciate how his mind works as well. As the woman has to do a lot more in a blowjob than any other aspect of sex I’ve mentioned I will spend more time on this.
For a woman to take a man’s cock in her mouth is an extremely intimate act and, like vaginal sex, will probably be enjoyed by the man regardless of how well the woman performs this act. Nevertheless, there are a number of things the woman can do to make it extra special.
1. Make sure you go down on him before he tries to eat your pussy. I know it should be ladies first but there are a number of practical reasons for the man to be seen to first in oral sex. Obviously it helps to allow him recovery time so that he can calm down before engaging in full intercourse and he can do this while eating your pussy. If you have only excited him with oral sex he will probably eat your pussy for quite a while because he will be afraid of cumming too soon when he does enter you. No man wants this. If you have sucked him to completion he will obviously need recovery time and because he will be so grateful for what you have done, will probably do whatever you want during this period.
2. If the woman starts to give her man head before he has eaten her pussy it is far less likely that he will see the blowjob as something she feels ‘obliged’ to do. Men like such enthusiasm in a woman. It flatters their ego because they will always believe that it is due to their prowess as a lover. Also, a woman should never be in a situation where her man has to ask her to suck his cock. While he may still be pleased that you have, it will nevertheless spoil the overall effect and thus dampen his enthusiasm – enthusiasm he can be using to your benefit.
3. How to suck a cock. There is plenty of detailed advice about this elsewhere so I will try to keep it as brief as possible. Firstly, don’t rush to just shove it in your mouth and suck like a Dyson vacuum cleaner. No doubt he will enjoy it but the effect can be made more powerful by slowing down. As men enjoy all aspects of a blowjob so much it is one of the few times in sex when the woman doesn’t have to worry about slowing him down. All I will say is use kisses and your tongue all over his cock (including his balls), suck slowly at first and then gradually build from there. Lots of people talk about deep throat techniques but this just isn’t going to happen with most women so let’s concentrate on what can be achieved. Men like penetration deep, be it vaginal, oral or anal. He will always try to get his cock as far into a woman as possible. I think it must be an evolutionary thing so it increases the chance of his sperm fertilizing the woman’s egg but whatever the reason, it is always true. Lots of women do not take as much cock into their mouths as they can because they are afraid that the man will suddenly push forward and choke her. Do not fear. Take as much of him into your mouth as possible (he will love it) and then wedge your hands between your mouth and the base of his cock. If he does then push forward he will only push your head safely away but he will very much appreciate that you are trying to take as much of him in your mouth as possible. If he sees that you are trying to get as much of his cock in your mouth as possible it doesn’t matter if you get it all in or not because if you fail (as most women will) he will see it as being due to the immense size of his equipment. True or not, that is how he will rationalise it in his head.
4. Moan a lot while sucking him. This is very effective because the vibrations in your mouth and throat will be transferred to his cock and increases his enjoyment. He will also feel like a real stud because you seem to be enjoying it so much and are clearly in awe of his impressive equipment.
5. Spit or swallow. The eternal dilemma. Actually it is up to you and there are arguments on both sides. Contrary to what may be seen in porn films I can guarantee that he will want to cum in your mouth and not just on your face. All men prefer to cum inside a woman regardless of the hole being used. We simply find it far more satisfying, which is also probably an evolutionary thing. If you are to spit, make sure that you only have the tip of his cock in your mouth when he cums. You can then close your throat and hold it in your mouth until he has finished before spitting it out. You haven’t swallowed but as it is resting on your tongue you have tasted it a lot. If you are to swallow the opposite is true. Position his cock as far back in your throat as possible so that when he cums it will shoot straight down your throat. Start swallowing straight away and you won’t taste a thing. Does allowing a man to cum in your mouth make you a slut? Yes, and that’s exactly why he likes it so much. Men will always believe that their partner is a lady so he will tend to rationalise your slutty behaviour in the bedroom as being solely down to his skill as a lover. His ego is flattered and therefore he enjoys the sex a lot more. Not allowing him to cum in your mouth at all comes a very poor second but if this is the case, make sure he cums all over his favourite part of your body (usually tits).
Finally I would like to point out that all men like it when a woman talks dirty to him during sex so don’t be bashful. The bedroom is an unreal environment and sex is really a form of adult escapism so if you can’t act out of character there, with a person you love, when can you? Men can be quite contradictory creatures. They like a demure lady out of the bedroom but a wild slutty type in the bedroom. They don’t usually like their woman using too much inappropriate language in everyday situations but love it when they talk dirty during sex.
Once again it is simply because it flatters the very fragile male ego because he will always rationalise it that he has made you lose all control because he is the best lover you have, or ever will, encounter. If you want an idea of the kind of things he will appreciate you saying you can check out any good porn film. I’ve seen loads of porn films and the best scene I have ever watched involved a rather fat woman who was nothing special to look at. What she lacked in looks, she more than made up for by what she said. In the cold light of day phrases like “Ohhh, your cock’s so big and hard” or “My pussy’s so wet, it feels so good wrapped around your big dick” seem a bit ridiculous but don’t worry about that. Remember, a man will always rationalise such behaviour as being due to his own skill and will therefore love you all the more for it. Some experimentation and research will help but I would suggest that some things will always be true of most men. They will always want to know that you appreciate the great size of their cock; they will always like you commenting on how hard it feels; and they will always want you to beg/plead them to fuck you. The word ‘fuck’ is an important one for you to use precisely because it is so unladylike.
Most women would also do well to remember that men are not psychic. Every woman is different in their sexual preferences just as are men, yet many women have difficulty in expressing exactly what they want their lover to do. It makes life a lot simpler for everyone if you tell him in some way. Don’t just say that what he is doing is wrong, as his ego won’t be able to take it, but do suggest alternatives. Most men really do want to please you so he will appreciate the guidance and certainly won’t take it the wrong way if you are doing all of the things I have already mentioned. If you don’t feel comfortable just telling him, try to guide his actions with gentle pressure from the hands and a system of moans and groans when he does something right. I can’t emphasise too much how important it is to be vocal during sex. Like a clever sheepdog, you will find that he catches on quite quickly.