Very often men blame their female counterparts for not initiating sex or for being a passive player in the game of love, without really trying to find out the reason that’s keeping her cocooned.
Ever wondered why your otherwise raring-to-go-kind of wife, suddenly turns timid and overtly conscious of every move between the sheets that ultimately takes the charm away from sex. Any guesses why she remains detached from a passion soiree? Well, the answer lies in her anxieties, fears and inhibitions that maybe lurking in her mind, which surface every time she decides to take a sexual plunge.
Here’s a list of common bedroom fears of a woman. Take cues from these tips and help your babe shed al her inhibitions and bloom like never before…
Fear factor: Body issues
“Can we keep the lights off, darling?” This sweet request from your wife is a cue to her self consciousness about her ‘not-so-perfect’ body. “My wife always insisted me to put off the lights before every love-making session, while I wanted to have light all around. Her habit used to turn me off even before we stated. So, one day I decided to talk to her. It was then that I discovered that she wanted to hide her ‘extra-weight’ in the looming darkness,” shares Madhukar Banerjee, a Delhi-based pharmacist.
Be it her thundering thighs, ugly stretch marks or her flabby tummy – body issues are one of the most prominent fears in a woman’s mind that can either drive her behind the darkness or make her averse to enjoying nakedness with her partner.
Get over it: ‘Talking it out’ is the most easiest and promising way to fight this fear. “Husband needs to communicate well to their wives that their love goes beyond their physical appearance. Also, he should build her confidence by showering her with compliments every now and then,” suggests relationship expert Smita Dogra. Encourage your lady love to join a health club or a yoga class and if she is hesitant then try and enroll with her so that she feels closer to you.Also, experts feel that watching your beau in work-out sessions can also act as a stimulus for a night of great sex.
Fear factor: S-expectations
Man’s expectations or s-expectations are unending. But very often they play a crucial role in making or marring their lady love’s performance in bed. From expecting their wives to maneuver like the actress they saw in the porn-flick last night to wanting her to fulfill all their kinky fantasies irrespective of her choice and comfort, men and their sexual demands leave a woman jittery.
“My husband always wanted me to emulate his favourite Playboy gal in bed and that made me feel dirty and cheap. Besides, I am not some porn star and just could not understand why he could not love the real me? I resent sex with him now.” confesses 34-year-old graphic designer Sravana Jha.
Get over it: Is it wrong for men to expect reciprocation from their partner? Well, not at all, says sex expert Mahinder Watsa adding, “While putting your s-expectations before your beloved, take care of what kind of a person she is. Not everyone may like what you are crazy about. Play the game of patience, rather than creating pressure on your woman. Get to know how she wants to go ahead and then choose a mid way. Let her bloom in her comfort zone for sometime and she’ll love to give you what you want in some time. After all, she also loves you.”
Fear factor: Inconsiderate partner
If a partner who expects too much is a fear for a woman, she equally dreads an inconsiderate partner. A man who’s indifferent to his wife’s needs when it comes to his own pleasure motives doesn’t score really well either. For instance, women love enjoying a prolonged foreplay, while men are direct attackers, which leaves women unsatisfied at the end.
Get over it : “Remember that love making becomes fun when both the partners participate in the pleasure pact equally. And this will happen only when partners also think about the other,” says Dogra. So, men should stop blowing the trumpet of their personal needs and pay heed to what their wife wants. “Women inversely must tell their partners what they love and like,” adds Dogra. Appreciate your man’s moves if they turn you on and gradually you’ll realise he’ll give you just what you want.
Fear factor: The Big ‘O’
If performance anxiety leaves men weak in the knees, the ability to reach an ‘orgasm’ is what makes women equally apprehensive about their sexual abilities. Whether I’ll climax or not? Will I achieve bliss with him? Or for that matter what if I do not climax? These are some of the common questions that keep harrowing a woman’s mind before every night of love-making. Not just this, even a number of myths keep them off a satisfying session ultimately landing leading them to the conclusion that it’s impossible to have a satisfying sexual journey.
“Initially while my hubby had a satisfying orgasm, I failed to reach the big O and that made me feel horrible about myself,” confesses 27-year-old lawyer Pragya Bhaduri adding, “but after our first six months of nervous love-making, I discussed the issue with my hubby and we realised that we were being very impatient about climaxing without enjoying the moments of foreplay. My hubby started understanding what were my moan zones and I started talking about his deepest sexual fantasies. Soon, I was able to share a better sexual intimacy with him.”
Get over it: “The key to satisfying love-making is to relax and enjoy the journey rather than concentrating on whether you have reached climax or not,” suggests Watsa. Too much focus on the orgasm can divert your attention away from the pleasure and lead to frustration and a sense of stress every time you think of going for another session. “However, discussing with your man about the kind of moves and strokes that give you maximum pleasure can be another step towards bliss,” adds Watsa.